It’s October 14th – my 44th birthday.
I’m always thoughtful and introspective on my birthday. It’s my day to turn within, remember who I am at my core, and honor myself.
I woke up thinking about all the stuff in my life that’s not going the way I’d like it to. I woke up feeling sad about the people in my life who have let me down. Feeling sorry for myself for the times people have mistreated me, not SEEN me, or made me wrong. These feelings have been brewing in me for a few weeks, and I knew I needed some alone time to work with them. This morning was the perfect time.
I lay in bed for a long time going through each situation, each scenario, with each person, feeling all the emotions I have about them. And then I had an insight that stopped me in my tracks. I realized that none of these situations would ever really be resolved.
I realized that from the place I was trying to work them through – my emotional self and my mind – there would never be any real peace.
I realized that the only way to really change any relationship or situation is to apply Fourth Density consciousness to it. In lay terms, that means to access the heart; to allow love to open and flow into the situation or the person.
When I shifted gears and moved to my heart, I noticed that it felt tight and closed. It’s no wonder since I’ve been stewing around in emotional (second density consciousness) and intellectual (3rd density consciousness) attempts to resolve these issues for days! Moving into the 4th density consciousness of my heart took a little time. I had to clear the cobwebs away.
As I was working with my heart, Love, and all the perceived conflicts I have with people outside of me, I came to a point where I realized that I would not be able to apply love to the others until I took some time to apply love to myself. I found it easier to love myself than to love the other people in this particular moment – which showed me beyond a shadow of a doubt that what I’m needing is LOVE FOR ME, not to try to figure out my outer world.
So today my intention is to love me.
I will give myself what others are failing to give me. I will appreciate the intelligence, the beauty, the sensitivity, the creativity, and the love that is me. At this moment, I sit in happiness that someone loves me…. MYSELF!
And for right now, I allow this love to work deep within me, and without – on the situations that seem unsolvable. I choose to trust that love will transform them all… in its own good time.
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